I'll Love You Forever

I've had a really difficult time with Makee lately. He screams. He has tantrums. He won't stay in time out. I've seriously been at my wit's end with him. I've run out of patience. I had planned on spending a day with him in timeout for the entire day. I think Heavenly Father knew I just needed one good day with him. A couple days ago, we had a great day. We were able to spend a lot of time together playing without much interruption from the girls. He didn't go to timeout once. We snuggled a lot. He was so sweet. It was seriously such a great day with my little man. That night, he woke up around midnight crying. He had a nightmare. I ran in his room to see what was wrong. I picked him up and held him and rocked him. As his long legs dangled over my knees, I thought about how he used to be small enough to fit in both of my hands. Two and half years, later, as tiring as those nights are, I never want those moments to end. I was reminded of one of my favorite books, "I'll Love You Forever," about a mom who every night, even when her son is a grown man, picks her son up and holds him and rocks him as she sings, "I'll you forever, I'll like you for always, As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be." Makee was scared to go back to bed. He begged me to take him into our bed. As he laid there and I held him, I found myself crying because I was so grateful to have that moment with him. I was so thankful for the perfect day we had earlier. I guess I was a little sad too. I was sad because I feel like I haven't cherished every second I have had with him. I was sad because I've spent too much time yelling and being impatient. Oh my precious little boy. I don't want my little boy to grow up, yet it's happening and there's nothing I can do about it. So I just have to enjoy the journey so I don't have any regrets. I have to take every opportunity to hold, play with, and laugh with each of my kids. It has been over a week since I have started reading my scriptures regularly again. I'm embarrassed to say that it has been years since I have gone this long reading consistently without missing a night. I feel like it has made me more patient. I feel more loving. I feel happier. It's amazing what a difference it has made in my life. I want my children to know that I have a testimony, and that I know my Savior loves me. I want to teach them that in the way I live my life. It's not easy to be an example to my children all the time, but I want to try. I read something in a book tonight that said, "Mothering is not a perfect journey, but every day has perfect moments." So I'm not a perfect mother, and I never will be. But I want to be the best mom I can be. I never want my children to question how much I love them. I hope if Makee ever reads this he will know that I would die for him. I would die for any of my children. I feel so blessed to have them in my life. I want to cherish those perfect moments I have with each of my children every day. Almost every older lady I meet that sees me in a frazzle with my children never hesitates to tell me to enjoy these times with my children because before I can blink I will be wishing for five minutes of it back. I just laugh. But I know they are right. I found a couple quotes by President Monson that I love:

"Show love to your children. You know you love them, but make certain they know it as well. They are so precious. Let them know. Call upon our Heavenly Father for help as you care for their needs each day and as you deal with the challenges which inevitably come with parenthood. You need more than your own wisdom in rearing them."
— Thomas S. Monson

"Rather than dwelling on the past, we should make the most of today, of the here and now, doing all we can to provide pleasant memories for the future…If you are still in the process of raising children be aware that the tiny fingerprints that show up on almost every newly cleaned surface, the toys scattered about the house, the piles and piles of laundry to be tackled, will disappear all too soon, and that you will, to your surprise, miss them, profoundly."
— Thomas S. Monson